And then there was one

Change is good... So they say. For me change is scary, change creates anxiety, change is the unknown. However, change is needed to evolve. Change is vital to becoming the person you are meant to be. Change is mandatory when trying to transform from the life you have to the life you deserve. Recently, I had to address my relationship with change. I had no choice but to look it directly in the face and embrace it and TRUST that it was leading me onto the better path.

In the past month I went through a major shift.  I had a choice at that moment to TRUST in it. I needed to not only say, "Yes this good", "This is for the better" but I had to feel the emotion that is connected with those thoughts. When you make the connection between thoughts and actually feeling it, you are putting TRUST into the change. You are taking back the control. This has not always been easy for me. Yes, thinking those Good Thoughts was a no brainer, but it was the FEELING of those Good Thoughts that was difficult.

In my story thus far change and fear have been a package deal. They come hand in hand. They are the best of friends. But I'm learning with each shift that change doesn't necessarily have to be followed by fear. That if I could only connect the change with Good Thoughts and Good Feelings then there would be no room for fear! I needed to TRUST in myself and never let anyone dull those thoughts.

This has become my Mantra. I am working each day towards embracing the change, welcoming those Good Thoughts & Feelings and not leaving any room for the fear. And TRUST-ing that there is a much bigger plan for me, greater than anything I could ever envision for myself.

The Importance of Being Honest with Yourself

I've been going back and forth with starting this blog for what seems way to long. I couldn't figure out why I would start typing and then walk away half way through. It wasn't like I had writers block, my thoughts were coming faster than I could type. Then I thought, it's just not a priority in my life. But then I would spend countless hours pinning and day dreaming. Maybe it was because I had nothing of value to say, who would actually find my thoughts interesting? And then it hit me... Maybe I'm scared to show people the truth. That my life isn't filled with successful businesses and the ever so popular phrase "Happily Ever After."
 
I had a moment last week when someone asked me what seemed like such a simple  question, "Hi Malissa, how are you? How's business." And for the first time I didn't respond with the usual, "Business is G-R-E-A-T, I couldn't be happier!" Instead I looked them right in the eyes and said what I have never said out loud before, "Business is not good, I'm scared, really scared and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up." And just like that I was no longer living a lie. 

 

I liked the way it made me feel so much that with each conversation, I made a conscious choice to try and be as honest as I could with anyone who asked. Why should I continue to speak untruths just to make someone else feel comfortable? It became important to me, that if a person cared enough to inquire about myself or my businesses they should care enough to hear the truth. It was freeing, it was like I finally took a deep breathe that was followed by a long exhale.  

So here I am completely recognizing the importance of being able to live an authentic life and not the one everyone else has dreamed up for you. The first rule in my book to living an authentic life is to not only be honest with yourself, but those around you that care about what is going on in your world. People may find my honesty uncomfortable. And I understand why... Generally they want you to be thriving, they want to hear you took B-I-G chances and have evolved into this amazing success story. But, facing adversity and hard times doesn't mean I'm a failure. It doesn't make me any less of a business person because I took a chance or two. And I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to admit, that maybe just maybe... things won't turn out they way we planned. 

Now looking back, I understand why I was never able to finish a blog. I wasn't ready to be authentic. I wasn't ready to be myself.