Love and Memories

There are 2 dates that for the rest of my time here will always be imprinted on my soul, July 25th and October 13th. These dates to anyone else may be just another day, but to me they are the dates that my brother Michael came into as well as left this world.

As time passes, and I gain the strength needed to move through my grief, I have come to realize that the precious gift of moving through the pain as scary as it seems actually has lead me to a place of peace. The more I find myself mentally becoming stronger, the more I remember about him. For a long time I couldn't remember anything before the accident. The trauma of that day was all I could envision. I would look at pictures of us as children and not be able to recall the memory. And that broke me to my core. How could I not recall birthdays, holidays, vacations. But the truth is, I couldn't...

I don't want to take away how painful that day was, but it needed to not define who he was to me. He was so much more than what happened. In time and yes it took me some time, there was an understanding that took place within me, that it was OK to let go of that memory so the rest of them could surface. And little by little they did!

Grief is an extremely personal experience. No one should ever dictate how long it takes, how it should be done or how you should feel. Only you have those answers. And no answer is the wrong answer.

Today I found this picture and I could recall all the details of this Christmas. And for me, it was like Michael was giving me a gift on his birthday. I look at this picture and I see a big sister helping her baby brother ride his first tri-cycle through the mountains of Christmas gifts all over the living room. I see a girl who even though was surrounded by all sorts of exciting presents to be opened took that moment to help her sibling get to enjoy his gift. This picture actually brings it full circle for me. Isn't that what life should be about? The joy you can actually bring to another person by just being present in the moment.

I will never know if he remembers this day. Maybe this picture that was captured by my parents for me to see some 30 years later was just for me. To be reminded that the time I had with Michael still does exist in my heart. And little by little as I navigate through these pictures I feel secure that on the other side of this grief is an entire world of love and memories.